When I finished eating, I pulled out the phone book and began looking for daycares around the area. There were two: Seaside and Ocean’s Brook, but neither name appealed to me, so I just closed the book. I kind of sat around all day, eating the left-overs from the night before whenever it suited me, and singing Marvin Gaye. It was the first time I had been happy in a long time. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I think there was about an hour where I did nothing but trace my finger across our brick wall, bringing a chair over to reach the bricks I couldn’t get. It was November 11th, 2014. As most moms of the sleeper generation can tell you, that was the day No-Cryo sent out their first announcement to the owners of sleeping jars as a government-approved company. That day is sometimes referred to on sleeper-mom blogs as the Wailing Day.
I was laying on the carpet in a puddle of sun, smiling, when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there was a pile of mail on our welcome mat. There were two bills, a magazine we never subscribed to, three pages of coupons for Mister Mac’s Pizza (which we always kept), and an unusual-looking letter.
I threw everything else on the table, but the unusual-looking letter. It was stamped [CONFIDENTIAL] and because of the confetti around the edges, I assumed it might be promotional mail for some collector’s edition woodcarvings or something. But I opened it anyway and it was from the No-Cryo Company. It read:
Dear Wendell and Michael Rue,
It is no small thing to risk the comfort of the present for a future hope. We know you have been with us from the beginning, even before our vision was as popular as it is today. Our company has gone through a number of big changes in the past few years and we have really felt your support through it all. You can sleep well tonight, like your loved one(s), that these changes have only made us more committed to your future hope and the safety of those you love. The world itself has gone through a lot of changes in the past few years—and while we cannot promise a solution for every problem we face, we can promise complete peace for those who you have invested in by using our product. The future belongs to them and the future belongs to you.
Due to the changes in the past few years, we are now delighted to promise you something we never could before: a complete guarantee that your loved one(s) will never have to face the threat of cancer! After passing the Defense of Life Act in 2013, the United States government now requires all legal guardians of current U.S. citizens embedded into one of our sleeping jars to pay a small monthly fee to ensure their full protection. More information about our life insurance policies and how to sign up can be found at www.no-cryo.org. If you are an owner of our sleeping jars and currently have a loved one(s) embedded, you must sign up for our life insurance. Further federal requirements stipulate that any U.S. citizen without a license from the federal government is disallowed to unlock any sleeping jar, or else face penalties up to incarceration for life. Only No-Cryo engineers can be licensed and are equally disallowed from unlocking the sleeping jars of anyone they know without approval from the federal government. It is further required that all home units either be sent to a local No-Cryo facility no later than November 15th, 2014, 4:00pm PT for upgrades.
Owners, like yourself, can choose to either have their home units be upgraded and sent back, or to have their unit remain under the care and watch of a local No-Cryo facility. These upgrades will do no harm to your loved one(s). Instead, it is a way to ensure their safety and your complete satisfaction. Choosing to leave a unit at a local No-Cryo facility is a great way to protect your loved one(s) even further, where they will be under constant care from one of our many highly-trained nurses. In fact, many owners like you placed their sleeping jars under the supervision of our staff since our very first day as a trusted company. If you choose to keep your unit at home, please remember that it is a violation of federal law to tamper with the unit, beyond replacing the necessary filters and charges. For more information on how to handle our units at home, read our How-To-Care Manual, available at www.no-cryo.org.
Lastly, for the safety of you and your loved one(s), it is a federal crime to unlock any sleeping jar, until our scientists have found a proven cure for the cancers that have been ravaging our country in recent years. We are confident, with the partnership of the United States government and trusted customers like you, that we have never been closer to finding a cure. For more information on how to help us fight the War Against Cancer and opt out of our life insurance program, visit www.no-cryo.org.
Thank you for investing in the future with us.
Dane Bozgraff, President of No-Cryo, Secretary of Life Investment Solutions of America (LISoA)